A TALE OF A HEART

didn’t write anythin’ on July 28th, 2007.
I din’t post anythin’ at all.

Well…the world should have understood there’s nothin’ to tell…
It’s more than words.

Who think that never mentioning the name means I don’t care at all…?
Who think that never being able to touch him means he’s not mine anymore..?

Silly.
…
I just decided that there should have been no tear and fear anymore.
Now I Need for Speed (minus Carbon) to be on my own.

So..just like 3 years ago, let’s share this moment together, just you and me…
                            

                       

I’m just playin’ a cameo among the main roles;
or I AM the cameo itself..?

I’m neither the manequin nor the body double.

I’m real, although sometimes I feel I’m bein’ transported into a world just beyond the
borders of reality

"Those who can’t see my lifelike" doesn’t mean "they are not alive."
They just haven’t been.

Well..my life is not like a film screening. It does have no release schedule. No delay, no acceleration
All things run just like the world wanna.

What kinda world we are in?

black-enshrouded film witch cliché? a great magical love story? a very black volcanic plot,Parody and spoof or a whodunit one..?

"Well, it’s got epic evil, epic love, epic fantasy and great actors all over!”

and what kind role you are in?

You may sometimes have to wear uniform to be a completely opposite persona in the privacy of your own cabin, or make up a spectacularly special story and create a imaginative drawings to let ur breathe comes still in to your lungs.

It may be going to be an open space for hundred uninvited comments, but do you realize that…

you may often fail to get the conclusion coz it’s the God who has the final judgement.

you may once laughed at someone’s failure but never be able to imagine if it happened to you.

you may regularly turn your head over the others’ fault but seldom have ability to track back and draw a line of why those things happen

Maybe you don’t always have to answer the question "why…" to understand it…
If it’s not now…may be someday…you’ll understand…

Weekend kemarin…ada tamu tak diundang..hehehehe…maap, maap, Ayah.. kidding (ngawur mode on).

Mbah Kungnya Syifa datang. Mbah Kung dari Sumatera, alias Ayah mertua (hiks..punya ayah mertua beneran, ta..? hahaha). Mendadak dangdut, eh..mendadak datang gitu…sore sebelum itu adeknya my hunny telpon bilang klo Ayah lg on the way to Javalova. Ohh..tidak…tidak sesuai rencana. Kenapa sekarang coba, kenapa ga bulan depan pas kita udah move ke rumah baru. Klo sekarang masih belum ready, Mbah. Si Mbah Kung itu lo, kok yo senenge dolan2 adoh2 tekan Jowo barang..lah wong sedilut maneh yo disambangi mrono.

Yang paling ready, tentu saja..Syifa.

However and whoever..Syifa itu adalah "cucu pertama" bagi keluarga Mr. Lamijo (ayah-red). Pardon me..cucu pertama..? Perasaan pernah denger klo Syifa punya sodara tiri 3 orang, ya..? Huahahahaha…nggak deee..(gosip mode on).

Oleh sebab itu, tentu saja, Ayah seneng banget bisa bermain-main dengan Syifa. Wong namanya aja bayi, pasti lucu, mana ada yg bisa mendiskriminasikan makhluk polos itu. None can’t deny her cute expression.

Jadi Syifa adalah "senjata utama" menaklukkan Mbah Kung.

Pagi bangun tidur mbah Kung disosdirin Syifa yg lagi ngoceh. Mesem2 gemes, wes…ga protes meskipun aku ga yakin kopi yg kubuat tadi cukup enak.  *melet*

Siang pas leyeh2 disodori Syifa yang kekenyangan abis lunch. Ditembangno lagu2 Jawa..sebentar aja Syifa wes lelap..seneng wes.

Sore dipameri Syifa yg udah didandani cantik abis mandi. Segerr…Ga sempat memperhatikan aku and my hunny yg bingung nyiapin dinner hehehe.

Pokoke weekend kemaren adalah weekend-nya Syifa and Mbah Kung.

Mbah Kung seneng, Syifa seneng..aku seneng…..

P.S: Ntar klo sudah sama2 di Sumatera jangan mengadakan inspeksi mendadak lagi, ya, Mbah..?

Waktu mau tidur semalam..sempat melirik tumpukan kardus di atas lemari. Kardus dispenser, kardus kasur busa, kardus bekas naruh baju, kardus kecil tempat bajunya Syifa yg dah kekecilan, Kardus Rice Cooker, plastik besar tempat strollernya Syifa…weww…akeh tibakno.

I haven’t started packing at all…

Lalu melirik ke bawah. Ke selimut. Kasur. Karpet…belum dicuci sebersih-bersihnya untuk di -pack (I bet it’ll be his duty, hehehe)

Semangat moving, tapi males packing.

Seneng pas baca smsnya:

"Rumah baru kita udah dicat peach, as you wish.."
"Sipp"
"Lantai udah 40% diperbaiki"
"Hmm.."
"Interiornya biru ya…" (kita deal soal ini)
"Nice."
"Karpetnya biru" (I insist)
"Klo model yg itu biasanya warnanya merah"
"Cariin yg biru, dunk.." (pura2 ngeyel)
"Model lain, ya..?"
"OK."
‘Belakang rumah kita masih ada tempat buat miara bebek."
"Bebek…? Kenapa bebek..?"
"Buat kesibukannya Sifa klo dia udah bisa lari2..hehehe"

Ngawur ajah

"Minggu depan rumahnya insyaallah sudah siap."
"Artinya..?"
"As soon as possible….We’re moving on the double."

(Fyuhhh…)
Membayangkan Bu Bambang yg selalu siap mengasuh Syifa. Pak Bambang yg seneng banget ngudang Syifa. Dua orang yg sudah kuanggap seperti orang tua sendiri. Dan Rama, yg rame nggodai Syifa and kadang cemburu klo mamanya banyakan nyium Syifa daripada dia.

Suara Ngggguuuung…sanyo sore hari.

Jalan sepanjang Pbi yg kulewati tiap pagi.

Ingat komputer di kantor. Ingat file2 di folder, ingat email yahoo and Gmailku (yg akan sangat jarang kubuka nantinya). Ingat saat aku melirik kertas bukti transfer gaji pertama kali, berharap nominalnya nambah hehehe. Ingat step2 generate Wire Event yang menjadi suatu hal ‘menyakitkan’ kalau internet connectionnya lagi dying… Ingat halaman FS…ingat A Tale of A Heart….(hiks..akankah aku sempat blogging di sana..?). Ingat ekspresinya si bos saat bilang, "Ya, mbak, ga papa.." sambil senyum ‘aneh’ (heheheh)

Ingat the very first day I stepped my feet on this company..
"You’ll like working with us…"

Ingat saat aku wisuda di kampus cinta. Saat aku menikmati masa2 kuliah bersama sahabat2 terbaikku…

Dan at last…ingat saat aku pertama kali datang di kota Malang ini. Strange. Akward. Cold. Lonely.

That’s about 7 years ago (and the rest is history…)

…Whewww…

Now I will leave them. I’ll move to another place. I’ll meet other people…but I haven’t known yet what kinda new things I’ll face there…Yang kutahu adalah: I’ll build a new life. Menata sebuah keluarga utuh yg bahagia. Me, my husband, and Syifa…(and adek2nya Syifa..kelak..:P). Hell yeah…something that most of the normal people in this world want.

Some of my friends asked:
"Kenapa resign..? Kenapa pindah?"

1. Karena aku ingin (Karena resign hak karyawan, toh..?)
2. Karena perlu dan harus pindah.
3. Karena pindah harus resign.
4. Karena sudah saatnya pindah.

Seperti air yang mengalir dari hulu ke hilir…
I just let my life flows…

And I now arrive at this stage.
Yeah..I’m ready. I’m always ready for the new life.
So…let’s pack, Julie..! Packing..Packing….!!

I love my child because he is my flesh and blood. But I love my wife because I asked her to be with me for the rest of her life.

-Adhitya Mulya*-

Pas baca postingan yg itu…rasanya seneng. Iya, mas ini bener juga. Itulah beda mencintai anak dan pasangan. Mainnya sama…cinta. Pada orang yang Sama2 sangat berarti dalam hidup kita. Tapi kita sadari atau enggak…cinta itu atas dasar alasan yg berbeda.

Itulah kenapa ada yg istilah "ada bekas istri/suami, tapi ga ada yg namanya bekas anak." Kenapa? Karena ada darah kita yg mengalir dlm tubuh anak kita. Ada sifat kita di jiwanya. Sedangkan pasangan kita adalah "orang lain" yang kita pilih untuk bersama kita membangun sebuah keluarga. Terikat dengan sebuah ikatan "perkawinan". Jika ikatan itu lepas, maka menempellah gelar "mantan".

So..what a great thing jika kita bisa mencintai pasangan kita selamanya, for the rest of our lives…karena itu berarti kita telah menaklukkan "barrier" antara kita dan pasangan kita. Benar2 bisa menjadikan "orang lain" itu "bagian dari hidup kita."

Perfect.

Semoga saja aku bisa begitu….(amin)

*Penulis serial Jomblo dan Travelers’ Tale: Belok Kanan Barcelona

Lesson One

A girl asked a guy if he thought she was pretty,
He said…no.
She asked him if he would want to be with her forever…and he said no.
She then asked him if she were to leave would he cry, and once again he replied with a no.

She had heard enough. As she walked away, tears streaming down her face. But the boy grabbed her arm and said…

"You’re not pretty you’re beautiful.
I don’t want to be with you forever, I NEED to be with you forever.
And I wouldn’t cry if you walked away…I’d die..."

Lesson Two

What have you learned..?

I’ve learned…that life is like a roll of toilet paper.
The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.
I’ve learned…that we should be glad God doesn’t give us everything we ask for.
I’ve learned…that money doesn’t buy class.
I’ve learned…that it’s those small daily happenings that make life so spectacular.
I’ve learned…that under everyone’s hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated and loved.

Well, I’ve also learned…that ignoring the facts does not change the facts.

I’ve learned.

I’ve learned…that Life won’t stop although we beg it to stop and wait for us. So why we still waste our time regretting our or/and the others’ foolishness?. Get up and go on…!

Never think that the world is so mean becuz It’s we ourselves who stand against it. But as long as we’re still alive…we can still learn and hope..!

There have been so many words I say on this month.

"I luv u"
"I hate that"
"Thanks for your b’day gift"
"Thanks for reminding me"
"Thanks for being so mean to me"
"That’s unfair!"
"O my God, my little girl can lay on her tummy perfectly!"
"I do"
" I will"
"I promise"
…

Should I say "Good bye…" right away..?
I think I should. Just remember this is my new life. I have to make up everything. I can’t live in this box anymore. New things, new world, new place, new people…

Only some weeks to go…