A TALE OF A HEART

Almost the end of January.
How’s your feeling?

Messy.

Dunno how to tell.
And today..it got worse.

Real life is always hard to understand. Should I leave the life first to get the better description of it?

Whoa…I think I’m going to be crazy, or am I?

I lost my way again…while trying to be back to my track. Ouch, may be this is actually not my right track. Some people have chosen the wrong track, and they could survive, but some people die before reaching the destiny.

That’s what happen on the wrong track. People said, something wrong can be done easier than the good one.

Can you think of how many would die on the right track or on the way finding the right track..?

Ufghh…I begin talking about the death.
I’m tired.

Sometimes I dream of being awake somewhere else. Faraway from all the damn things which have been in my life. In Africa may be…or in the heaven?

Forget it.
It’s just a part of my nightmares. Believe me…

Pagi ini aku bangun dengan perasaan kacau. Berusaha melakukan Poorna Titali Asana dan Flower Chakra Meditation…tapi tak cukup berhasil meredakan gundah di dadaku.
Rasanya ada sesak yang menekan…uncomfort.

Kujangkau HP yg tergeletak manis di samping bantalku. Off. Jika kuaktifkan…ada sms masuk ga ya…? Berharap tidak. Karena, satu sms lagi saja menyambung sms2 yg semalam..aku bisa muntah.

Untung tidak. Hpku diam sampai sepuluh menit setelah kuaktifkan. Yeah…thanks God!

Sebenarnya apa yg dia inginkan…? Menyakitiku sampai titik darah penghabisan? Menenggelamkanku hingga dasar penderitaan yang paling dalam? Apakah dia tidak punya sedikit rasa malu untuk memutuskan berhenti melakukan hal2 bodoh itu?

Dan kabar yg dia sampaikan itu..apa..? "Mereka akan membawanya pergi. Relakah kau?" Mengapa masih bertanya begitu..?! Dia sendiri bagaimana..? Mengapa tidak bertanya pd dirinya sendiri siapa dia dan apa yg dia bisa lakukan? Nothing! Nothing!!

Aku sudah begitu banyak kehilangan sepanjang duapuluhlima tahun umurku ini. Aku sudah mengakrabi tangisan2 luka itu tanpa aku harus merasa ingin mati. Tapi untuk satu hal itu..tentang dia…tolong jangan pernah sudutkan aku lagi ttg DIA. Karena perasaan kehilangannya itu saja sudah cukup bisa membunuhku….

            (Mereka yg membuatku survive sejauh ini..dia dan ini)

"Sejauh apa ombak berlari meninggalkan pantai…dia pasti akan kembali…"
                                     Begitukah..?

I dunno why I have to meet you
(I think you get bigger question: "Why should I..?")

May be God has been bored to see my tears,
or may be He thinks it’s time for me to see the rainbow on the sky

Yeah…may be I can pull the line over it that you just take a pity of me
Or it’s just like a stage to play a protagonist character for you…

Whatever it is… I’ve already felt it’s too good to be true.

I am dreaming…am I?
For the sake of my baby I let myself drown in your way…
Through colorful canals I’ve never been dare to dream before

But is it really only a dream?
That will change into a nightmare someday..?